There is no 12 Step Process for BE-ing Human

Learning our own doctrine is the biggest gift we can ever grant ourselves.

There is no 12 Step Program for LIFE… I may sound contradictory but stay with me….

I’ve been contemplating life…and death. As is my constant question and work both …with myself and my clients I’ve been thinking about what it means to ‘be human’. 

What I see in many people and myself is a need for a ‘recipe’ a 12 step program in how to ‘do life’. If perhaps we had the answer written on a postcard we might have a plan and formulae to follow and then we can ‘get it right’:

Earn the money

Get the beloved

Be successful

… all the desires you here.

However, whilst we have cultural and family values and systems to learn by (and also misdirect is in some ways) the biggest and most fundamental trick and tip to ‘being human’ is exactly that. 

Be Human.

Learn to ‘Do You….Be YOU….’ unapologetically and authentically YOU….

No one can show us an exact formulae to how to do this and BE ourselves as we have to learn our own formula. To understand the nuances of who we are. What makes us tick. What turns us on, in and off.. 

Yes, it is vital to learn how to do some things and gain information as we are not all great at everything. 

For example, I’ve been looking at business models and how to move my work forward, on and up. 

Within the market there are SO many offering a ‘one size fits all model’. A follow this and Learn this and you will get to 6 figures, grow your business etc etc yet does it really consider YOU?

Yes. There are strategies that we can follow. Yet, so many do not succeed as it isn’t tailored to you. They rely on great marketing and ‘A ‘generalised’ view of ‘limiting beliefs’  avoiding your own authentic blueprint. 

 Many are using a model which actually scares me…In the past I’ve participated in ‘growth’ trainings that promote the ‘put your attention here and the money will come…put it on credit and money will come’ (subsequently leaving me very in debt and spirit broken). I see this for many people  lured by the incredible marketing and ‘shiny charismatic people’ ….if I did that program I’d get that too mentality kicks in. 

There is nothing wrong with these desires yet… many decisions are made from a place of grounded deep self knowing? 

I see online dating experts selling huge amounts right now ‘do this, say this, text this and you’ll get them Interested, to fall in love, come back”, blah blah blah. It’s fascinating. Whilst some is helpful again each one is showing a ‘formulae’ into how to ‘do dating’ to get the ‘one’ and millions of us watch, buy, subscribe because we are all desperate to know ‘how to do it ‘right’. 

It’s all a big game. Why do we play games with each other? 

It keeps us safe. We hide behind a model that is not our truth and get to avoid being vulnerable, real and raw. 

Yet…..again it’s avoiding what’s the truth…. YOU getting to know you. Being you, Fully?

What am I trying to say?

No one size fits all. Fact. 

Believe me. I’m one who always does another course, workshop, seminar to learn how to ‘do me better’….always something to ‘fix’ because I believe there is something ‘wrong with me’. 

What if there is nothing else to learn from someone else?

What if there was nothing else to ‘Do’?

What if I just was? If I was accepting all that is me? Took full responsibility? This means stop looking out and look in….

To stop blaming another failed course, teacher/Guru and actually learned to be me…

There is no singular learning

No one person or teacher

No one course, workshop or seminar that can gift us all we need to know about being the fullness of ourselves. 

We collect and collate as we journey from many. For this is a ‘journey’. It’s a process of growing and learning along the way.  

We learn in ourselves from all the input, events, successes, seeming failures….(these are growth opportunities) and every interaction. 

Find those that inspire and share wholeheartedly and move on. Learn different things. Try on different hats and suits and shoes as you walk and dance this journey.

There is no one doctrine….except that of yourself. This in itself shifts and changes as we shift and change. As we navigate we learn more fully what it means for US to be human. To be who we are here to be. 

What if we could know there was nothing to ‘fix but everything to BE?

To write and become our own doctrine to our own life?

What then???

As with it all….take from this what you will….. leave the rest 

My doctrine is not yours and yours is not mine we are all individuals learning from each other, ourselves and at all times leaning into love…

Memoirs of a reluctant crone…

Art: John Dixon 1772

Memoirs of a reluctant crone…

AGING SUCKS!  That is my current view…as a late 40’s (hear groan, sigh and wailing in grief for a lost ‘unlived youth’ as the heart breaks into pieces with the facts…..alongside the denial…) single, white, childless (read…..never married either) woman I am struggling!

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Yes, menopause, looms, it is here in some ways….erratic bleeds, months with nothing then a sudden surge as the body reignites and finds one or two eggs hidden in the recesses of the ovaries and pops them along for a last ditch attempt of repopulating and already over populated world, the breath and the release as the blood flows once more and I feel ‘WOMANLY’

Other delights….weight, sagging skin, wrinkles, memory fog, aching bones, insomnia, mood swings, libido dropping, exhaustion, lack of direction and can I just say HOT FLUSHES!  Those things that feel like a furnace is slowing beginning to ignite then curses through the body creating heat, redness, clothe removal, sometimes even a prickling that is painful, to leave just as suddenly leaving us bathed in a film of sweat that sits upon the skin like a clingfilm wrapping covering a sweaty chicken….yup this is the ride.

Resonate?  Then join me as we explore, becoming more aware of the Rite of Passage that is ‘The Change’… experience that no one can actually teach us about, it is a personal yet female collective experience.  We all have our journey with this journey into the Void. No one the same, yes similarities, yes physiologically there is the science about what happens in the body, but how it affects us independently well…this is the quest…the entry into the Void where we are remoulded, ‘changed’, reconfigured to emerge the Crone, Elder….in my mind the Medicine Woman. 

Menopause is a part of nature…. some of my questions include….


Can we allow?

Can we be curious in the process?

Can we learn to accept?

To welcome?

Can we surrender to the Void and allow the Great Mystery to have her way with us as we realise all that we have been sitting on, hiding, supressing?  To allow ourselves to emerge birthed anew?

These are my reflections, a series of moments sharing my raw truth, the highs, lows, trips and tips in how to ‘do menopause’….there is no ‘DOING MENOPAUSE’ it DOES US!  There will be rude words, there will be raw truths, there will be moments of seeming ‘madness’ yet, one thing is truly and honestly clear, there is GRACE, there is BEAUTY and there is a way….the way…?

Is through….