Everything We Love We Will Loose….it doesn’t have to be bad

Art: Judy Wu

Reflecting in my morning practise I was lead down a path of the past. This time of year seems to being that for many of us. Erring towards winter a natural release and shedding as we move towards the dream time. The deep belly of winter.
I found myself thinking about a past love and a friend, both of whom are no longer in my life. Both a huge loss. They chose to walk away from our connection. The irony they are now both best friends. I am left outside. Cast aside without even a word of their leaving. Holding my tender heart, gripping on to stories that fuel my inadequacy. Believe me it takes every ounce of my being sometimes not to rage, my abandonment and ‘not good enough’ wounds still being tended. Fragile and raw. However, time passes and it becomes less.

This morning I was filled with great tenderness, love and gratitude for them both. For the part they played in my life and the fact they ‘left me’.

Both are such incredible humans. Full of love, integrity and strength. Each played a vital part in my healing and becoming. Both loved me so deeply and wholly yet at the end of the day both CHOOSE THEMSELVES.

This is the beauty.

Choosing ourselves. When we are in relationship with anyone and it is causing us pain we have a choice. Yes, I know this is not as easy for some. Those locked in abusive relationships. I feel you. I hear you. I support you. Yet, we do choose. Each individual has free will.

The question is how do we find the strength and SELF BELIEF to choose ourselves?

Sometimes we are bewitched by another. We enter and stay in relationships as we feel we see their brilliance when they don’t. We want to change them. This my friends can never happen. A person has to want to CHANGE THEMSELVES. Fact.

We project our own GOLD onto them. Unable to see our own beauty and brilliance we project it on to them so they can shine bright. Us in the shadows where we think we belong..

Sometimes we enter relationship, eyes blinkered to the truth, from our desire to be loved. It comes a stark cold day when we remove the rose tinted specs and realise they were never there for us. Simply we were a beautiful part of their ego story.
You see, we ALL have stories. We ALL have wounds. Some choose to work with them and remove the shades, the lies to peak above and see truth even if this means being alone.

Others choose to stay. Choice.

Painful. Yes.
Hard. Yes.
Liberating. Yes.
Takes us to edges. Yes.

Many of my clients say ‘it’s hard’. I find myself saying this to my own therapist. Yet when has growth ever been ‘easy’ for me there is an edge for that is how we grow and shift. We come to the edge it can be uncomfortable, scary, and/or exciting.

Change for many including myself is scary. For others liberating. It means we are asked to look at things differently. We are asked to tend our wounds. Our beliefs and our vulnerability.

To hold on with such a tight fist means we do not allow ourselves or the other to grow. To change. To bloom. It kills us slowly. Painfully. Think of a plant without light. It slowly shrivels and dies. Same with us.

To hold on hinders us becoming the sovereign beings we are here to be. To bloom to shine. To love. It does arguably come at a cost. The cost?

Our ego
Our beliefs
Our control

When we allow spaciousness. When we remove the shadowy lenses and heal our toxic stories and patterns of behaviour we begin to know our beauty, our brilliance, our place in the world without the need foe another to constantly validate us.

We reclaim our GOLD.
We know deeply that we have a right to be loved.We know deeply we belong in the world.We know deeply that we are valued, valuable and worthy

We know.

Through this knowing we release the ‘other’. We liberate ourselves.

These two beloveds that left my life chose themselves. I depended on them to love me. To show me their great hearts as I was unable to see my own.


Both left without a word after years. The wound is still there yet now I smile.

Grateful for them leaving. It liberated me from myself.
I took the journey that I still travail to self sovereignty. Self love. Self acceptance and grace.



Without them leaving I’d arguably still be wanting their eyes to see myself rather than using my own. I wouldn’t have the deep knowing finally that their leaving gave me life. For this I am grateful. For this gift of self I bow to them. My teachers. My beloveds. Always in my heart.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you.

Loosen the grip
Open your eyes
Take the armour down from your heart
Surrender to yourself
Reclaim your beauty
Stand in your brilliance and shine
Reflect yourself in your own mirror.

For everything you love you will loose at some point.

They will die, you will die, they will leave, you will leave.
How my friends we choose to dance in the in between the journey of life is a choice.



What do you choose?
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Photo Niklay Lobikov

STUCK? BOOK A SOUL PLAN READING FOR SOME CLARITY……OFFER FOR REST OF 2020 https://theembodiedawakening.com/soul-plan-readings-a-key-to-your-purpose/

There is no 12 Step Process for BE-ing Human

Learning our own doctrine is the biggest gift we can ever grant ourselves.

There is no 12 Step Program for LIFE…..here I may sound contradictory but stay with me….

I’ve been contemplating life…and death. As is my constant question and work both …with myself and my clients I’ve been thinking about what it means to ‘be human’. 

What I see in many people and myself is a need for a ‘recipe’ a 12 step program in how to ‘do life’. If perhaps we had the answer written on a postcard we might have a plan and formulae to follow and then we can ‘get it right’:

Earn the money

Get the beloved

Be successful

…..place all the desires you here.

However, whilst we have cultural and family values and systems to learn by (and also misdirect is in some ways) the biggest and most fundamental trick and tip to ‘being human’ is exactly that. 

Be Human.

Learn to ‘Do You….Be YOU….’ unapologetically and authentically YOU….

No one can show us an exact formulae to how to do this and BE ourselves as we have to learn our own formula. To understand the nuances of who we are. What makes us tick. What turns us on, in and off.. 

Yes, it is vital to learn how to do some things and gain information as we are not all great at everything. 

For example, I’ve been looking at business models and how to move my work forward, on and up. 

Within the market there are SO many offering a ‘one size fits all model’. A follow this and Learn this and you will get to 6 figures, grow your business etc etc yet does it really consider YOU?

Yes. There are strategies that we can follow. Yet, so many do not succeed as it isn’t tailored to you. They rely on great marketing and ‘A ‘generalised’ view of ‘limiting beliefs’  avoiding your own authentic blueprint. 

 Many are using a model which actually scares me…In the past I’ve participated in ‘growth’ trainings that promote the ‘put your attention here and the money will come…put it on credit and money will come’ (subsequently leaving me very in debt and spirit broken). I see this for many people  lured by the incredible marketing and ‘shiny charismatic people’ ….if I did that program I’d get that too mentality kicks in. 

There is nothing wrong with these desires yet…..how many decisions are made from a place of grounded deep self knowing? 

I see online dating experts selling huge amounts right now ‘do this, say this, text this and you’ll get them Interested, to fall in love, come back”, blah blah blah. It’s fascinating. Whilst some is helpful again each one is showing a ‘formulae’ into how to ‘do dating’ to get the ‘one’ and millions of us watch, buy, subscribe because we are all desperate to know ‘how to do it ‘right’. 

It’s all a big game. Why do we play games with each other? 

It keeps us safe. We hide behind a model that is not our truth and get to avoid being vulnerable, real and raw. 

Yet…..again it’s avoiding what’s the truth…. YOU getting to know you. Being you, Fully?

What am I trying to say?

No one size fits all. Fact. 

Believe me. I’m one who always does another course, workshop, seminar to learn how to ‘do me better’….always something to ‘fix’ because I believe there is something ‘wrong with me’. 

What if there is nothing else to learn from someone else?

What if there was nothing else to ‘Do’?

What if I just was? If I was accepting all that is me? Took full responsibility? This means stop looking out and look in….

To stop blaming another failed course, teacher/Guru and actually learned to be me…

There is no singular learning

No one person or teacher

No one course, workshop or seminar that can gift us all we need to know about being the fullness of ourselves. 

We collect and collate as we journey from many. For this is a ‘journey’. It’s a process of growing and learning along the way.  

We learn in ourselves from all the input, events, successes, seeming failures….(these are growth opportunities) and every interaction. 

Find those that inspire and share wholeheartedly and move on. Learn different things. Try on different hats and suits and shoes as you walk and dance this journey.

There is no one doctrine….except that of yourself. This in itself shifts and changes as we shift and change. As we navigate we learn more fully what it means for US to be human. To be who we are here to be. 

What if we could know there was nothing to ‘fix but everything to BE?

To write and become our own doctrine to our own life?

What then???

As with it all….take from this what you will….. leave the rest 

My doctrine is not yours and yours is not mine we are all individuals learning from each other, ourselves and at all times leaning into love…

**Solstice Soul Plan Reading Special**

Times are changing…. We know this.

Art: Alex Gray


Have you felt that this time has given you time to reflect on the way you are navigating through life?

Are you feeling stuck?

Wanting some direction?

Do you sense there is something more for you in this life?

Do you wonder what your gifts are?

Do you constantly face the same obstacles?


At this time, many of us are experiencing some or all of the above. We are seeing to understand ourselves at a deeper level bringing ourselves clarity and direction

WHY NOT HAVE A SOUL PLAN READING?


Soul Plan Readings a way to look at our life purpose. To see our GIFTS and our CHALLENGES.
 
This method works on the conscious and unconscious level and promises to bring the recipient greater freedom, connection, satisfaction, healing and life purpose activation.  This system uses the sound vibration and intention behind naming, to determine a person’s entire ‘Soul Plan.’ 

Simply by discovering your Soul Plan as revealed by a practitioner, you will naturally begin to align with it. The subtler message is, that in so doing, we may come to realise our true nature. More and more people are now coming to this realisation and Soul Plan can be a significant catalyst in deepening this process. When this fully occurs, there is a sense and experience of our Soul Plan unfolding naturally.


Soul Plan Readings are a powerful system of life purpose guidance and healing.
 
Now is an excellent time for many more people to have their Soul Plan activated.
 
What happens in a Soul Plan Reading with Sarah Bullock?

Your life is reviewed in terms of your talents, goals, potential, lessons and obstacles to overcome and you will also discover your overall life purpose.

Simply by receiving the reading you will benefit from a healing and clearing of many redundant blockages. A clarity is reached on areas we have felt stuck and dormant.

As an Intuitive Therapeutic Coach and Shamanic Practitioner, we look at how you are feeling in your life and where you are stuck and how to overcome challenges and best reach your goals.

A Soul Plan Reading is an interpretation of your potential experiences for this lifetime.
 
This will include a written document highlighting:are

  • the challenges you are or have been facing
  • the talents you hold
  • reviewing your deepest goals
  • looking at your Soul Purpose


You will gain clarity on:

  • a sense of purpose
  • an understanding the challenges faced so far
  • a deeper understanding of yourself
  • more clarity about life and your role in it

 
You will also receive practical guidance on how to:

  • overcome your challenges/obstacles
  • how to utilize your talents and work towards your goals

 
Flower remedies maybe advised and are included in the cost of the session.
 
SOLSTICE SPECIAL £75.00 for a 75 – 90 minute zoom session normally £120 including flower essence. 
 
If you are interested please do get in touch. Email: sarah@theembodiedawakening.com 
 
Warmest wishes and HAPPY SOLSTICE….this New moon, solar eclipse Summer Solstice is a ONCE in a lifetime…..make the most of the energies.

Please share this if you know anyone that might enjoy a review of their life.

Joy….is a choice…

Joy

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.

We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.”
Joseph Campbell


Such a potent and honest remembering:

Joy is a choice. IT IS ALSO OUR BIRTH RIGHT

It has taken me a very long time and lots of pain to realise this, many dead ends and dark allies. It has also taken me to navigate through and undertake a journey deep into the beauty of Grief.  Healing only comes when we follow what hurts and pay attention.


Grief…..a journey which has opened my heart to love, to myself, to others, to LIFE.  It has dissolved my armour (well….that’s a work always in progress, it takes A LOT to soften all that protective armour I have established over the years!).

However, I am and always will be an ‘Apprentice to Grief’.

Why an ‘Apprentice” because grief like any emotion is a journey – there is NOTHING LINEAR about it. It is a teacher, it is a friend. It is a feeling that can be so overwhelming we ‘think’ we may never return from the abyss that is the darkness of the unknown, a place of nothing but pain, loss and anguish. A vast unknown landscape that is lonely and dark.  The ‘void’.

As Cohen sang so soulfully ‘ the wound is where the light gets in’.  Cliché?

YET…YES…grief is an access point.  It is a key.  It is an opportunity to open to something so magical and potent it can take our breath away from the beauty that unfolds around it, through it and from it.

In a culture that pretends, us Brits are renowned for ‘brave face on’, squashing the TRUTH of what is happening, quelling the rawness, realness and reality of living with emotions…GRIEF; ANGER; PASSION, anything that might be deemed expressive and ‘too much’….who is anyone to say ‘what is too much’ for us as an individual, that is their projection  It can be tricky to know how to access these emotions as they have laid dormant, festering for so long.

Now, more than ever, in Covid times, conjoined with the recent insurgence of the tragic events in the USA, fires earlier in the year we have been becoming more acutely aware of the call of grief. The frustration, rage and anguish that we feel about things we are unable to ‘do anything about’ so we numb and then numb some more.


It is our birth right to feel, to express....it is more than a right it is necessary…it connects us, it keeps us alive, it opens us up to the joy we seek and yearn for mistaking for designer this and that, for sugar and anything we can ‘CONSUME’…. joy is different… It is a feeling, a state of BEING..…not bought nor sold….it is as it is...IT IS WITHIN – not without…

Yes, someone or something (puppies playing spring to mind) might bring us joy, but this feeling, as any feeling comes from within….not without – an external can activate the feeling, for it is touching something WITHIN us, not without.

The more we externalise this ‘feeling’ the less we embody it, own it, know it, claim it as part of our ‘SOVEREIGN BEING’, as part of ourselves.  We cease to live and as such close ourselves to all feeling.  Further numbing, ignoring, avoiding.  Finding ourselves heading further into a dis-eased state of being.

How do we access these emotions when we have blocked them so long and fear the place of no return, for YES, life alters, changes, morphs when we begin to feel.  We begin to know our truth, what makes us ‘tick’ what rocks our world and what turns us right off.  What we have been tolerating rather than saying ‘No’ to. 

A few ways I access what I am feeling are:

MOVING: movement, shifts our mind set, it activates our endorphins and allows us to feel what is going on.  Dance for me is the perfect access to my feelings.  The more I dance, the more I know myself, my body, my emotions.  I have on occasion raged, wept profusely with grief, each breath and each movement shifting, lifting stuck energy, stuck emotions.  Each move, each dance allowing a freedom towards joy.  I find myself again and again on the dancefloor.

MUSIC: music moves us, tugs at the memory bank which in turn tends to our heart, inviting in softening and easier access to what we are feeling, let the music move you and change will come

LAUGHTER YOGA: oh my resistance to this I had, yet, from laughter comes tears, from tears comes laughter…..perfect medicine!

WITNESSING: practise speaking your truth! It can take time to access our truth.  Ask a non-judgemental friend or family member to witness you – NOTHING to fix, simply listening.  I say ‘simply listening’ yet this is trickier than we know.  How many times have you been with someone and felt ‘unheard’ FULL body presence (no phones, or distractions) eye contact and listening is a gift.  It enables us to be seen, a rarity it seems in today’s world.

EYE GAZING: this one cracks me open every time.  Simply seeing and being seen.  Finding a gentle gaze into the eyes of another.  Again, nothing to fix or change.  A looking and seeing with soft gaze.  This can lead to such intimacy non-sexually and sexually, yet, it allows us to find ourselves in the mirroring of another.  It comes with giggles, embarrassment, fear, shame and a myriad of other emotions. Yet, if practised with a kindly soul can bring such profound healing and access to our hearts it is a gift beyond all gifts.

THERAPY: I am a therapist and I have had therapy on and off for years. For me THERAPY WORKS.  Find one you connect with be it Creative, Play, Art, Gestalt, talk therapy only there are so many to choose from, shop around.  For me a good therapist is like finding a great bra.  The fit should be supportive, nurturing and feel good!  A good therapist will provide somewhere you can feel safe, unjudged, perhaps challenged a little and above all and opportunity to explore yourself, your stories and they will walk with you as you grow!

WATCH A MOVIE: sometimes when I am struggling to feel I put on my favourite movie which enables me to loose myself a little in the other whilst I navigate my way in to my feelings.

FIND A GROUP: It is amazing how easy it is to think we are alone in what we are feeling and whilst no one’s journey is the same, there will be others on their own journey feeling they are alone, ashamed of feeling, speaking and emoting.  PLEASE KNOW THIS: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I know for me Grief Tending and Grief Ceremony has been some of the most profound work I have done and it has been

JOURNAL/PAINT/CREATE: express what you are feeling through words, art, something that enables you to get out what you are sitting with.  The numbness will melt to feeling when we allow it.

SPEND TIME IN NATURE: Simply allowing ourselves to be in nature (WITHOUT taking photos with our phones. Nature, trees, green, water, whatever calls. To spend time simply allowing ourselves to ground, to take in the beauty of all that is around, the simplicity yet intricacy and power of nature can mirror so exquisitely what we are avoiding feeling.

TAKE TIME OFF TECHNOLOGY: YES, that means social media, email, text. It is amazing how we avoid feeling through diverting our attention away from our heart to our phone, focussed again on the other rather than the inner.

Please know this, there is NO RIGHT way, there is ONLY YOUR WAY.  The KEY is to find what works for you and how you find your way in, little by little.  It takes practise, it takes to be so stuck or in my case broken, that the only way is through.  To surrender to what is screaming to be felt, and allow myself to explore.  Simply.  Gently and with great kindness and compassion for myself.  KINDNESS IS KEY.

With this I invite you step by step, breath by breath to begin.

Healing only comes when we follow what hurts and pay attention.

JOY will come it is after all the opposite side to the same coin as grief Begin now, it is the only way to change what we are unhappy with.  Make a choice and say YES, the journey is worth it as are you.

In grace, with a beating heart wishing you all joy in your life. Sarah

www.theembodiedawakening.com

YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. 

Walking you home to self.

LISTEN TO THE MAESTRO THAT WAS LEONARD COHEN below

Are you tired of the ‘blame’ game?

Are you tired of the ‘blame’ game?

Family Constellations and Therapy have been some of the bedrock of my support over the last few years.  Last year I undertook a particular Constellation around the Victim and Perpetrator archetypes, both of which I know intimately.  Sad to say, they have actually shaped my life significantly over my lifetime, until I realised what I was doing.  Golly that was like having a frozen kipper slap me on the cheek and say WAKE UP!  …Wake up I have. 

Once we realise that we use these archetypes indeed any to run our lives, we have the next tricky and often painful task of taking full responsibility for our actions.  When we take responsibility, we cease to be able to ‘blame’ when we cease to blame, we can find ourselves headed down the rabbit hole of shame.  Blame keeps us locked in old ways, old stories and patterns that we are being called deeply to move away from.  This means restructure, contemplation of our actions, making choice to take a different action and change. All things which many of us avoid due to the discomfort that they bring.

Self-responsibility is empowering, yes, it is also hellish scary!  It means we have to grow up, put on ‘big girl pants’ and realise we have no one and nothing else to ‘blame’ only ourselves.  Yes, I know there have been significant events in many of our lives where things have happened to us, by people, where we have had little to no choice in which we were victims, yet, from my own experience, I know I have stayed in this place of being the victim instead of taking what has happened and turning it around to use it as juice/fuel to empower myself to change how I respond to the event and change my story.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, our lives we are on the path to self-sovereignty.  The wisdom begins to flow. True empowerment means no more blame, no more self-blame, simply an awareness of ‘what is’ and where do we go from here?

No victim, no perpetrator, no rescuer, simply living our full potential….hell…that isn’t as easy as it sounds!  Yet, it is what is being called forth when we choose to live consciously and fully.

“Trapped” by Joel Ormsby

In some faiths there is the belief we chose to come into this physical form, into this chalice, this body in which we live. 

Whilst things happen to us which are out of our control, what we choose to do with them is our responsibility.  I believe ‘bad shit can happen to good people’, in this we do not have choice, however, we can choose to continue to blame which causes us to shut down, externalise, rage and numb, covering our shame, grief and fear or shuts us down to inertia, so we feel nothing becoming ever more identified with the victim.

OR

We can become the leader in our own life.  Through work and choice, we look at what happened and how we felt about it and we choose to work through the emotions and trauma and begin to take responsibility for how we are and how we interact both in life and with life.

Whether anything is predestined or prewritten in this life who really knows?  It is of no matter and makes little difference as we are all now here, living as humans.  The wanting to numb out, check out and blame, creates tension in the body.  It results in the loss of a sense of self.  This warped sense of self we have learnt and developed, covers, hides and protects the aspects of us that have been hurt. When these parts are exposed, given space to breathe, to again allow the light and love to fall upon them they begin to heal.

They cry, they rage they express their truth, their rawness and their deep vulnerability. When we shut them away, numb the, bind them from their truth and expression they fester, rot become more vehement, wounded, ‘acting out’ in destructive ways causing us, others and our communities’ pain.

It is our responsibility as adults to truly learn to parent ourselves. Not many of us know true healthy parenting.  This is not a criticism; it is an observation and fact.  Each generation deals with its own level of trauma, we learn parenting through broken wires of communication and lineage.  Once we begin to fully know ourselves our own heart, soul and truth, without and including the ‘ego dynamic’ we begin to fully know who we are here to ‘BE”.

Art: Sabina Kiss

Full responsibility comes from making a choice.  No longer in the blame and shame game!  Blame creates shame.  Shame creates the victim and the perpetrator mentalities which prevent us from fully living.

Do you put down the pointed finger, ulcerated tongue and spiteful words, the pain and loathing which cloak the heart?

OR

Do you take up the peace mantle for yourself, wrap yourself, these tender pieces within it to nurture the broken bones and aching heart you take from broken expectations, conforming to ‘earn love and your place’ when your body and soul shout ‘no!’

From here, anointing yourself with your healing tears, which as they fall loosen the tight threads of the past, the tightness of your heart, chest, womb, limbs and throat?

When we allow the tears to fall, we ease our heart, our longing. We return home to self.  We heal.  We allow the flow, softening to ourselves, to life and to all.  The hard, brittle exterior; the SHELL we ‘think’ is impenetrable, yet always there is in fact a ‘KEY’.  YOU ARE THE KEY TO YOURSELF, your longing, your belonging.

First: you learn how to belong to yourself, this body, this breath, this life

Second: we learn how to belong outside of ourselves

Some of us may learn to ‘belong’ within another’s arms, or group yet this too can be transitory medicine.  Never knowing when the other may go or change, as we are always evolving….this we ‘forget’ and become complacent, settling. Getting stuck! A co-dependency on another person, place, situation.  Relinquishing your power to ‘other’.

So dear one, beloved, tender hearted being of such beauty, it is a journey.  Step by step.

First: gently, gently softly, softly begin to learn how to belong.  Here, now, with you.

Learn to know your body, your breath; the ‘shape of you’ inside and out.  Get to know the smoothness of your skin, places where your hair grows, the moistness, dryness, silky soft hair, nails, how does your breath feel on your body?  From your nose?  Your mouth? 

Your creative hands, stroking your body, holding your own hands and feet? Yes, holding your own hand. That hand of the body that contains all of you.

Begin dear heart to call yourself home, fully to you, to belonging to yourself perhaps for the first time in this life, this body, this place in time.

Let the emotions rise, let them fall, let them flow.  Catch yourself as you feel you are going to fall.  Know you will never touch the ground you will always to be caught by yourself when we allow ourselves.  Catch yourself dear one, catch all those parts longing to fall, the parts that have left through the things that have happened and within all of this we become more empowered.

You are calling your power home, no longer squashing it or giving it away to another, no you are calling it home to you; for you.  From here dear one we begin, we begin.

Indian dance

I am offering some concessionary sessions if you feel you are ready to come home to yourself. Please do get in touch, in grace Sarah

How do you show up when tender?

tender and raw....

Tender and Raw

In these places and spaces it is so easy to hide away and put up the barriers to love which shut us out to life.

This is the ‘practise’

This is the ‘work’

How do we stay open to possibility and connection when our heart is exposed, raw and vulnerable?

I fear shutting myself off and abandoning myself more than I fear another, the ‘perceived judgement or pain’ inflicted by another.

Others, it is true filter in and out of life – me – I am here 24/7

Time now to fully love, appreciate, accept and cherish this beautiful being of creation.

I choose – yes I choose.  For yes, we are born into this world we choose daily to be born unto ourselves and we choose daily whether we show up for ourselves or not.

What do you choose?

A message for these times…2 May 2020

Heart open

Heart Opening : 2 May 2020

Heart opening to new levels. 

Let the stellar aspect of yourself weave the threads of mystery and ‘lore’.  Undo all that which no longer serves and give yourself permission to BECOME.

You are a light in this dark world, for you know your own darkness.  It has illuminated the shadows of your life, your past, it now illuminates the flame of your truth.  Let it guide you always and ‘all ways’ into the deeper connection to the divine.

Whole and Holy the crucible, this vessel of you.  Whole and Holy, this sacred chalice.

Honour it and honour yourself.  Believe and BE-LIVE.  These moments may appear to hold the madness of the world and indeed they do, yet, at the same moment there is a redress occurring at the fundamental level of the mystery.  Scientists will assume and place ‘facts’ upon these times, philosophers will pontificate on the teachings of Plato, yet, you, yourself have been a conduit for this change.

Getty Images

Everyone who has wished for a ‘different world’, who wished for the patriarchy to topple, for a rebalance to occur.  Well, your wishes have been answered, be careful what you wish for dear heart, for it will never come in the form you desire.

The mystery still has the ‘upper hand’, if there are hands to be played.

Whilst man attempts to control, control can never be controlled.  Remember this as you begin to RE-MEMBER yourselves.

A collective Shamanic dismemberment is occurring.  Yet, as much as it is disturbing as any dismemberment is you, your life, your beliefs and patterns are challenged and will be changed.

You never emerge the same way. Yet, emerge you will.

Yes, there is loss and we do not apologise for this, for in order for us to awaken from our slumber and putrid excesses we have to know loss.  This, IF we allow; awakens our heart, opens our eyes and begins to enable us to believe in something a new.  Believe and BE – LIVE.  The altercations that occur are timely.

Release the sticky fist from the shelf of sugar laden, colourfully papered misconceptions of happiness. The illusions of grandeur and awaken to the realness of you, your life, your breath, your body, your place.

You, your sacred place, this sacred BEing that you are, become this…only this.

Allow the deaths to touch you, the honesty, courage of others and yourself to open that closed heart.  See not from silted blinkered eyes but from eyes open to the wonder and beauty all around.

Breath Of Life: Sheri Howe

Let it in, drop by drop, drip by drip, let it touch you, let it melt you and heal you.

The time of the closed heart is no more.  Let yourself open to that which hurts and heals.

This muscle. It hurts to lose, it hurts to love.  Same muscle.  Let them both in side by side, the sacred union, drip by drip, drop by drop.

This balance, this dance, this medicine that brings us back to our humanity, away from the bags, boxes, bottles into breath, body heart.

Your heart and breath meeting yourself, perhaps for the first time. An initiation to self.  Meeting another truly, deeply, without the veil of illusion. 

A chink in the matrix being illuminated for all to see. 

To feel if they wish. 

It is there.

It is here. 

How many more times will this happen?

Hah!  Only the mystery knows. Yet remember this my beloved: YOU, dreamed and wished for a different world, as it is emerging.  You are emerging.  The world will keep rejuvenating, pulsing and living long after you and I are gone.  Remember this.  She knows not what you are, yet, she knows what you have become.  She is taking back her right as the giver of all life, NOT you, ‘man’. It is she the ‘Great Mother’, this earth, the balance of sun and earth, the masculine nature and feminine nurture the sacred union, Hieros Gamos, coming finally back into balance.  Showing us what is possible.

IT IS POSSIBLE: you are never alone, we are always held, you are held by something far greater than ‘us’ in our fragility as a human.

Become they of the stars and the earth, become the Being you are here to be in all your glorious messy, beauty-filled humanness and begin.

Begin again.

Begin again my love.

Begin again.

Hieros Gamos and our Mother…Father Wounds

It is a morning practise for me to write, within this I ‘free write’ a kinda free flow of writing, oracular messages if you will. Something greater than myself speaks through me. I am called at these times to begin to share. Take what you will and leave the rest. Feel free to share. There will be audible versions available soon. With much love from my heart and hearth to you and yours, In grace, Sarah

The wounding of the father and mother run deep in many of us, for it comes not from us but through that genetic chain, that ancestral coding and trauma passed through generations.  A hidden thread weaving through invisible until it becomes visible, slipping unnoticed, resurfacing for those at the point in time that one is here to clear it for all moving forward.

The wounds run deep, they are not always tangible but can take form in a myriad of ways. Mistrust, depict, affairs, the lack of feeling satisfied.  The feeling that something is ‘wrong’ yet unable to identify what.

The trauma the ancestors: war, famine, rape, abandonment, slavery, metal health, illness, treasury and treason…..asking us to hide our light, the wisdom of our ancestors, shielded behind this illusive veil, being offered, yet fear of acceptance, of allowing for that fear of persecution , of shining of speaking up.

Our voices close and then our hearts, or is it the heart then the voice?

Becoming a vessel for loose sex, seeking validation through the carnal, yet this only continues to play out old patterns, devoid of reverence, the sacred act of Hieros Gamos comes to be unknown, contemplation of the other, a distant memory. All becomes an exchange of currency rather than love, appreciation, play and pleasure.

Bruce Lyon

This carnal vessel, the taking of virtue; others use it in wily ways, a currency…come into my hidden depths that I shall shave, pluck, alter and hone for ‘your pleasure’ forgetting, NO! Ignoring that deep chthonic sensual aspect of ourselves as primal woman and primal man, those from before the ‘fucking’ those that have danced together and with the divine, the God and Goddess, uniting as one in the sacred flame of fire to create.

The creation of life that comes in the birth of the Sacred Union – that ‘coming and cumming’ together. 

This spark of creation lies within us all.  That flame long dormant for fear of ignition through trauma.  Heal the trauma, heal the story, reawaken the flame, the flame of creation.

First, use it to nourish yourself deeply, fully; this Holy chalice of you in all your glory.

Reclaim your voice, your womb, your phallus.  The union of the masculine and feminine within so you may then seek and meet without.  To meet yourself in here, this balance of these aspects then casts a golden light back through your line.  The NDA changes, morphing, expanding, shedding the old, recalibrating, expanding through all lifetimes, all paradigms. 

This union of Self, all parts, heals us whole.  It calls us home to this body, this breath.  Calling us into being and this dance, right now of creation.

Look back with a tender gaze. Cease to blame those from whence you came, from where you were born for that in itself is and was a sacred act, no matter what has unfolded; YOU. ARE. HERE. 

Now it is your turn to rebirth yourself.

How my beloved, how do you do choose to allow this to unfold?

Heal the trauma, heal the story.  Take the breath of life, the spark of creation into your own hands, and know that in this moment, this choice, you my love, this beauty filled being of now that you are: YOU. CAN. START. AGAIN.

Seek wisely your counsel, friends, beloveds, teachers and roles in life.  Take time to change the pattern.  Each breath, each step anew, yet each one with awareness, curiosity, grace.  Each one a choice in your own body. 

Asking:

How do you feel to me when I am with you?

How am I when I am with you? When I let you close? Is that too close or not close enough?

When your lips touch mine, is it a divine awakening or is it a dull, flat lined response?

Do I come alive or numb out? Settling, wanting to take away the dull ache of loneliness?

Can I open myself to you and be so sure of myself, to the deepest aspects that even if you go, I have my centre, my place within me, myself, my life? 

OR

Do I loose myself again, and again?

Questions and answers….

Come home to yourself my love.  Come home to yourself and your own Hieros Gamos, this place of balance and unity within you and know beyond all else:

You are loved

You are divine

You are a spark of creation

You are a vessel love and creativity

You are Holy and Whole

Do your work.

Do your Work and know:

YOU. ARE. LOVED

YOU. ARE. ENOUGH

Andew Gonzalez

In grace, Sarah May 7 2020

Soften my love, soften….

Soften my love, soften.

Surrender to the depths of this vast heart field you share with the world.

Can you allow yourself to sink ever further into the field of love, possibility and beauty? 

Surrender and soften my love, back into the arms of the divine grace and yourself.  Nothing and NO THING to ‘do’ simply an allowing and curious glance from soft eyes.

These times, these times call for soft eyes, for you to welcome this softening, this vessel of you, yourself, this vessel of love to soften for yourself.  Look to yourself for this mirror of love, no one else.

Yes, it may be reflected by some, mirror it back, drink from the well deeply, but first the love and acceptance must come from within.

Allan Gilbert

Whilst, we still search, long and yearn for that external validation, we are tipped off centre.

It is true that when another accepts and loves us it gives us permission to be ourselves, but how often do you then ‘get stuck’? Reliant on that mirror?  Once it goes or shatters you are left bereft, hollow, self-loathing and punishing?

Allow these others to be a beautiful holding, yet become not reliant on that build those mirrors yourself, polish them with your breath and hair, pour yourself into them so they gleam with the radiance and truth of your authentic self.

Be the truth of you, ALL of it.  Yes, my love, that involves the ‘excluded’ parts, for whilst you exclude yourself you seek outside and top of centre.

The truth of you is the multifaceted, non-perfect gem that you are, the mirror with a slight chip.  This is what makes you so perfectly imperfect.  It is what shapes your journey, it does not have to define you. 

Long held wisdom wishes to unfold and be breathed into the world, drop into this place and allow it to begin to take form through this creative vessel, this human being in the world. You.

Yes, my love it is time to take the cloth and begin, breath by breath, stroke by stroke to polish that inner mirror of you.

Raja Ravi Varma, The Lady with a Mirror (1894)

Begin to reveal yourself to yourself and see the miracles that unfold around you in all ways. 

Soft gaze

Soft breath

Soft body

Begin my love begin.

Women Who Run With The Wolves – online

Art: Lucy Campbell

An opportunity to work with this incredible and transformative book.

We will work in a small closed group for 6 weeks looking at two stories and how they mirror our own lives.

Working with metaphor and story can be profound and insightful to how we are ‘playing our own stories’ and how we may rewrite them.

The sessions will run THURSDAY’S 7-9pm


2 stories
6 weeks

from 5 November

What they say:

I feel that this work is not only beneficial to individuals but also to the wider community because we need collectively to reconnect with our soul, our deepest selves in order to have any hope of solving our many social and environmental issues.

Sarah Bullock is a highly skilled practitioner who offers a rich, creative, safe, interactive space that fosters openness, deep sharing and opportunities for personal and community growth and enrichment. I am extremely grateful that this (as well as some of her other projects) has been funded because what she offers is invaluable and there are many in this local community, like myself, who struggle financially and who would not otherwise be able to afford such supportive and nourishing learning and development opportunities. MBH

‘ wonderful inclusive space where we were encouraged to explore, debate and question our thoughts and society’s constructs of what it means to be a woman’. Thank you, Sarah, Kirsty 

PRE BOOKING ESSENTIAL get in touch

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/women-who-run-with-the-wolves-tickets-104230837240

Self-Care….How are you ‘doing’ it?

How often have you found yourself asking one or all of the following?  

‘What’s wrong with me?’

“What did I do wrong?’

‘Why does no one love me?’

‘Why do I fall for someone, only for them to not want me?’

‘What. Why. How….?’

You know what I am referring to if you resonate with any of these…

If you’re anything like me…..it’s been pretty frequently over the years…are you tired of it?  I am.  Golly, so bored of running that dialogue with myself.  Perpetually, telling myself such negative things. Causing myself pain, emotionally and physically, not to mention the mental turmoil.

A teacher once (Tom Balistreri) said something that rocked me to the core…’the first step of initiation, is to never say anything nasty to yourself again’.  Well, I thought to myself….here I am….I have been ‘doing my work’ and yet, I am still being cruel to myself. Often, negating myself and being in a negative spiral of critical self-talk without even realising.

A few short years later, here I am again, writing, reflecting and realising that still I slip into this toxic pattern.  Oh my, the stories we tell ourselves, the things we do that self-sabotage ourselves. 

How do YOU ‘self-care’?

Salt baths, with essential oils and candles?

Nice dinner and glass of wine?

Massage?

Make love?

Have a pedicure?

Shopping?

Go on holiday?

Spend time in nature?

Spend time with beloveds/friends/yourself?

Be creative?

I could continue; I have many more, I am after all a double Taurus and ‘self-care’ comes as second nature it’s in my genetic makeup….

Nope, I argue the fundamental thing that is THE most important ‘self-care’ tool…. …THINK GOOD THOUGHTS about yourself. YES!  BE NICE TO YOURSELF…be kind, be gentle, be loving, be compassionate, get off your own back. I don’t mean forget everything and everyone else and spiritually bypass the responsibility of your own healing by pretending nothing else matters and thinking ‘only good things’. No I mean. Be AWARE deeply aware of your internal dialogue with yourself. To notice when something gets triggered and when we go into an old pattern of story and stopping. Taking a breath and saying, I see you, I hear you, I’ve got you.

Being kinder to myself has been the greatest gift I have given myself.  I repeat: Being kinder to myself has been the greatest gift I have given myself. 

It hasn’t been so long that this has been a practise as this one ‘small’ thing is indeed one of the hardest. I say ‘practise’ as it is exactly that a practise.  There are not many of us that I am aware of lucky enough to bring this in as a natural state of being.  It has often taken some hard life knocks and realisations for us to get there.  To realise something in our way of ‘being or doing, comparing to others, self and other expectations’ just isn’t working and we have to create a change.  This was my experience. You may indeed be different and to this I honour your journey and celebrate your knowledge of this.

Time in nature…self care…kindness to self SELF CARE

To practise self-kindness calls us to make different choices, step out of the box, to cease running the self-limiting stories that have created us and keep us locked in the toxic patterns.  The reverse is quite spectacular, it means we give ourselves PERMISSION.

We come to a place of acceptance within ourselves and thus give ourselves permission.  Permitting ourselves freedom, grace, play, love and connection.  To practise self-care and self-kindness It liberates us from feeling we need to prove anything to anyone or DO anything.  It stops the judgement of others and of ourselves.  For its true we could be practising all the ‘self-care’ in the world, yet if we are still telling ourselves we are this that or the other, we are judging ourselves, in turn judging others and actually not practicing ‘self-care’ at all!

It accepts the individual, the human-being that we are.

Being kinder to myself, has indeed been the greatest gift to myself.  It lets me off the hook.  Not in the way that I don’t’ care or won’t continue to be the best version of myself (this too is a practise), no it means I give myself permission to get it wrong, to stop, take a breath, realise my error, where I have been operating from a place of woundedness or fear and start again.  It means that I get to grow without penalising myself all the time. Well, I still can do this but then, in my defence I have had over 40 years’ experience so it’s a tricky one to simply stop without practise, recognition, choice and strengthening the part of myself that is ‘acting out’.


Yes, I give myself a ‘reset button’.  An Ah Hah moment, a moment of recognition and then choice. A choice to make a different decision, to think a different thought, to pick up the phone and ask for some support in order to see things a different way.  To step away from the ‘story’ and into the ‘now’ the nothing and no-thing.  To be with the discomfort of the unknown, the ‘meantime or void’. 

The unknown terrifies most of us who like to control in order to feel safe.  It is a place of such fear and resistance that we can look to question deeply our choices that have led us here.  To go into blame, self-loathing and criticism as it is known and easy, actually it’s actually the most painful place to be as we hurt ourselves.

This time is a crucial time.  It is the edge and this edge, this ‘rub’, this muscle to be worked requires some skill and time. It requires the discipline to make a different choice and select a different path.  It takes courage and consciousness. It takes us to take a lead of faith…..a leap of faith in ourselves.

It’s within this place of faith in ourselves, we begin to see to KNOW that there is actually nothing wrong with us at all.  We begin to learn and KNOW that the person we thought had left us, we didn’t really want anyway, or if we did and the relationship ended was it actually the ‘RIGHT’ relationship for me or had we outgrown each other?

We get to know, trust and believe in ourselves, our value and our beauty, we get to see our integrity and service in the world, how we make a difference and who we touchWe begin to let in the love, LET IN LIFE, unlike any time before..

Yes, beloveds, we get to know.  To truly know who we are and that we are worthy of living a life full.  We get to hang up the stories and create new memories.  Though the kindness and grace we bestow upon ourselves we learn how to truly ‘have our own back’, to self-care on the deepest level that nourishes us to our soul not just toenails…

This my friend is the time that we get to truly live….and believe you me it is a gift, just as you are a gift.

REJECTION….are you sick of it yet?

There is something about birthdays….the day you entered this world…however many years ago….the day your mother underwent her own rite of passage to birth you into this place we get to call ‘home’. Through the conduit from where we came, the portal to life and the sacred union that created us.

TED art

Whatever our ‘story’ about our parents, our conception – without this ‘sacred union’, for, YES, it was sacred for from it came the miracle that YOU are in the world.  Without it there would be no you, in this time and place and the exact glorious imperfectly perfect human you are.  We enter the world through the portal of our mother then after a certain age…what we then choose to do with our stories and lives is indeed our choice.

We all have things that have happened, ancestral wounds we carry, our own traumas and pains. Yet, when we settle into the bare bones of who we are, how we are being, (yes, influenced by our past), yet, still with one foot with the possibility of changing patterns and behaviours we do indeed have CHOICE.

One of my ‘primal wounds’ is REJECTION…yup, this ‘little’ story that can hinder many of us.  How many of you relate to this ‘beauty’?

However, this morning on my ‘birthday’ I awake with a song that played from a moment shared with a previous lover (one, yes, I am struggling to release…unrequited love…it’s a bitch….keeps us stuck in those old patterns and stories of rejection and ‘what’s wrong with me? I’m not good enough’)….I digress. This song bought me to floods of tears as I lay in my empty bed, another year single, alone, longing. Yet, unlike previous years where I have berated often my very existence on this planet, these were tears of deep realisation that it was time to finally let this pattern and story go.

It is time. I am tired of it. We have to reach a point of being so tired of the story and pattern we really mean it…like REALLY mean it.

It goes a bit like this, where there is an element of blame towards those that have rejected me, fundamentally each day I reject myself…, read that again…I reject myself….consciously or unconsciously….my belly is too big, I’m too old, not successful enough…blah blah yes some of you know my insecurities and the stories I play out, as I write about them, I take them to therapy, I take them into my dance….they are a part of me and sometimes still yes, they get the better of me, until I realise and I again scoop them up and love them back to health. 

It is this self-rejection on so many levels, the deeply nuanced or maybe you are still flogging yourself with a cat and 9-tails or stick (no…this isn’t an S&M fetish of mine) this is about self-flagellation on a level that is so deeply painful we don’t realise we are doing it until….well…until we do…or it is pointed out….or we actually cause ourselves actual physical pain..

It’s the moment of these wobbles, these times when life throws us a curve ball ….or pandemic we get to really do and BE the work.  We get to practise that which we have read, spoken about and are learning all the even deeper levels of.  For me, until we KNOW it on a visceral level, until it is embodied and known becomes body knowledge, I argue, we don’t actually know

For me these things are not a cognitive process.   We can ‘think’ we understand’ but still there is a linear approach. Whilst, yes, sometimes this is vital for our survival strategies, we do not want to continue to live in survival mode,,…that fight/flight/freeze is exhausting and very unhealthy.  Unhealthy in our bodies, we become toxic with unexpressed emotions…sick…in our health and mind….unhealthy in our relationships.  We continue to play out the patterns of abandonment, rejection, unfaithfulness, co-dependence….you get my drift?  Does this sound familiar?

Something a gifted astrologer I know Karen Smith (Gnostic Woman) wrote yesterday, shook be back into the reality of myself and life, the big picture from this place of sadness about the ex-lover and a friend who chooses no longer to speak to me, and I still have no idea why!

 Karen writes: ‘Stop loving people that cannot love you back- stop giving your power, time and energy to a person, persons, or situation that cannot or will not love you back.

Stop being angry that they cannot love you. If they could love you or wanted to love you, they would be loving you. If they are not loving you, or if they are loving you in ways that make you feel unloved, diminished, unseen, abandoned or betrayed, it’s not enough.

Why persist in hurting yourself? Why persist in being unmet?

The work begins within. Why are you available for unavailable people and not for yourself?

Where there is drama, there is trauma… heal the trauma.

Do not entangle yourself in this madness any further. Release yourself and let the healing begin’. You can follow her incredible blog and astro updates here https://gnosticwoman.com/

This reflects deeply for me what many of us as humans do. We chase, long for and pine for the unavailable, those that feed that deep ‘REJECTION’ story we hold.  This is ‘Trauma Bonding’.

I was reflecting with a beloved friend about this and wondering to myself whether we move away and leave those that rub at that wound or whether we stick with it wound and all and learn to heal this part of ourselves.  For it is through the exposure, understanding and loving of it we heal, not the shunning and running, yet sometimes this part is necessary until we are strong enough to face it.  I am not quite clear on the answer to this yet, I guess it depends on the person, situation, depth of wound and a myriad of other scenarios.  

Yet, I do know this:

  • I as an individual am brave enough to ‘show’ up warts and all with all that I am feeling and face that part and welcome it home.  It’s a practise!
  • I am willing to be brave in the face of possible ‘rejection’ and begin to look at situations and people with a ‘different lens’.
  • I know finally I will no longer tolerate being a ‘scratching post’ for someone as I want more.
  • I will no longer chase after or give time or energy to that which I cannot change, this again is a pattern that feeds that rejection.
  • There are so many fragmented parts of our psyche and soul that are wounded through traumas, it is, for me, our responsibility to find a way to integrate ourselves.  We cannot always control the external that create the trauma and some is ancestral or cultural or both, however, we can take control of the journey to assist the healing, we owe that to ourselves, to our beloveds.
  • Whilst we are never everyone’s flavour and some will not warm to us, others will turn to us with open arms and hearts and embrace all of us.  These are the ones worth our time and attention.

Yes beloved, it is time for us all to know our worth deeply.  It’s a journey, it has taken me years and still I forget, some of us hold on to this story so tightly afraid even more of the possibility of being loved for all we are and then the possibility of loss that we navigate through life in half measures, in unhappy relationships and unfulfilling jobs.

These times are challenging times, yet they are also times of deep inner transformation if we allow it.  IF we are brave enough and generous enough to ourselves, to listen to our souls voice and ask ‘What is the impossible that only you can make possible?’ for this we have to stop rejecting ourselves and learn that even if we are alone, we are loved, deeply, fully and honestly….trust me in this truth….YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Stop rejecting yourself and the world will embrace you back. Trust me….in this I know.

With much love to you on this journey of life as we embrace these times and ourselves…In grace, Sarah

You are needed….

Dear one, please know how deeply you and your work are ‘needed’ in this world.  

The world that is a blaze with fear, fires and fight. The world that is destroying itself, a humanity that is destroying itself and its home. There is a likening to the split in Atlantis, the division of humanity, light v’s dark, dark v’s light yet with mortals, individuals, less ‘aware’.

The consciousness is shifting, it is becoming a higher level vibrationally, yet it takes work to get there and to STAY there and stay there we must.

It is all to easy to numb out through our chosenx addictions or to lock it all down through fear, wanting to stay small, to keep without change, so that nothing alters so it all remains ‘safe’. Yet, nothing and no-thing is ‘safe’ it is all an illusion and change we must.  

Only through the expansion of the Soul do we become whole. Only through the expansion of the Soul do we really begin to live fully in life as we were created.

The impositions of all the nonsense we ‘think’ is real is NOT. It is an illusion. What is real is your breath, your body, your now. Yet, within this there are moments that this too is an illusion. It creates an opportunity for choice, for beginning again in each and every moment.

A choice where to breathe and how.
A choice what and how to eat.
A choice how to love and live
A choice in each moment.
How to nourish our bodies, minds and Soul. Can we be mindful with these choices? All our choices?

For without conscious choice and conscious awareness of what we choose we simply stay on the monotonous path to hell, to nothing and no-thing, to the void.

Whilst the void is a pregnant place and place of dismemberment and rebirth like the holy of holies – death and rebirth without conscious awareness within this place we become lost.  

The journey is one to experience feeling it all whilst NOT becoming lost. To stay clearly on your path in that moment and consciously allowing it. Yes, it will hurt, yet love hurts and love heals. The same with any feeling. Begin at once to acknowledge yourself, your life, your belonging in this world and begin to allow your medicine to emerge. Slowly, as it begins to flow drop by drop, breath by breath, anoint yourself, your body, your life, your beloveds, this planet.

You have a part to play and that is no longer a passive role. It is time dear woman to slip on the golden slippers and own the worth of you, your work, your place in the world. Dearest one, Sovereign becoming and being in your life start, start now. Step by step, breath by breath. Open your heart, your womb, your legs and mouth to the world, to life itself, to the wholeness of YOU, to your own God. The holy of holies and begin in this moment to breath the breath of life, for all life. First your own.

WORDS: Sarah Bullock

You are needed.
Art: Dali

Betrayal…the medicine

I don’t know about you but I’ve been having a lot of very strange and in-depth dreams recently last night they were about betrayal.

I realise that I’ve held a story for a very long time, lifetimes even! It is also in my family system and held in the collective.

The story is one around betrayal of the masculine and yet when I sit with that I feel that it goes further back than that and it relates also to the feminine how the feminine have betrayed the masculine. How the feminine betrayed the feminine, the masculine the masculine…It goes ALL ways, yet we can get very stuck in the loop of one.

Meditating, I asked for some guidance around this and this is what I was given:

‘Know the healing is happening because you have an awareness. There is nothing and no thing for you to do simply allow the old that is coming through for release to come through. it is liberating you from the past there is nothing you can do about the past. You can only make choices now and moving forward about how you wish to be in the world.

Those that have come and gone let them release them, cease holding onto them as they are an illusion; a memory. If they are meant to be in your life they will return it is your choice to be open or not.

Know that the love you seek also seeks you. Trust this is so believe this is so. Yet, you also have to WANT YOURSELF. You, yourself, know how time is a factor that is in the hands of only the divine when the alignment is right magic happens.

Trust the universe has your back. We are rooting for you, for this growth. Self acceptance, love and kindness is vital for this next phase of life. You may or may not know this but you will never not meet a soulmate.

Art: Jessica Meeks

The dreams and reflections are helping you identify what was not what is. You are releasing and realigning to enable the new codes to download and become truth in your life. The blueprint of you is coming alive fully. This is so the beauty of now can come through and be present in the world, there is no rush.

Everyone is being still, waiting, percolating biding time for the growth process on the planet cannot come whilst everyone is doing ‘normal everyday busy routines including avoidance!’

Take these weeks and months to fully understand you. To dive deep, to move with and through, to discover the green and gold of your heart. The truth of your heart, to create. Begin to fully belong to yourself. No one else, nowhere else, just here NOW.

The belonging you seek is a longing to be accepted.

How can you be accepted anywhere else when you do you not believe in yourself? When you live only from the past memories, reflections and stories you have told yourself?

Are these working?

We think not!

You are shifting and with this the belonging becomes a being!

No more longing as there is an acceptance of who you are. This takes away the external longing and you arrive to a place of being.

A place of knowing.

A place of self trust.

Believing and knowing this is Grace.

It is connection.

It is the alignment of head, heart, hearth and spirit.

This is the medicine right now share this and share yourself as it feels right for you’.

Warmly Sarah

January 8th 2021

Memoirs of a reluctant crone…

Art: John Dixon 1772

Memoirs of a reluctant crone…

AGING SUCKS!  That is my current view…as a late 40’s (hear groan, sigh and wailing in grief for a lost ‘unlived youth’ as the heart breaks into pieces with the facts…..alongside the denial…) single, white, childless (read…..never married either) woman I am struggling!

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Yes, menopause, looms, it is here in some ways….erratic bleeds, months with nothing then a sudden surge as the body reignites and finds one or two eggs hidden in the recesses of the ovaries and pops them along for a last ditch attempt of repopulating and already over populated world, the breath and the release as the blood flows once more and I feel ‘WOMANLY’

Other delights….weight, sagging skin, wrinkles, memory fog, aching bones, insomnia, mood swings, libido dropping, exhaustion, lack of direction and can I just say HOT FLUSHES!  Those things that feel like a furnace is slowing beginning to ignite then curses through the body creating heat, redness, clothe removal, sometimes even a prickling that is painful, to leave just as suddenly leaving us bathed in a film of sweat that sits upon the skin like a clingfilm wrapping covering a sweaty chicken….yup this is the ride.

Resonate?  Then join me as we explore, becoming more aware of the Rite of Passage that is ‘The Change’…..an experience that no one can actually teach us about, it is a personal yet female collective experience.  We all have our journey with this journey into the Void. No one the same, yes similarities, yes physiologically there is the science about what happens in the body, but how it affects us independently well…this is the quest…the entry into the Void where we are remoulded, ‘changed’, reconfigured to emerge the Crone, Elder….in my mind the Medicine Woman. 

Menopause is a part of nature…. some of my questions include….

CAN WE SURRENDER?

Can we allow?

Can we be curious in the process?

Can we learn to accept?

To welcome?

Can we surrender to the Void and allow the Great Mystery to have her way with us as we realise all that we have been sitting on, hiding, supressing?  To allow ourselves to emerge birthed anew?

These are my reflections, a series of moments sharing my raw truth, the highs, lows, trips and tips in how to ‘do menopause’….there is no ‘DOING MENOPAUSE’ it DOES US!  There will be rude words, there will be raw truths, there will be moments of seeming ‘madness’ yet, one thing is truly and honestly clear, there is GRACE, there is BEAUTY and there is a way….the way…?

Is through….

Soul Plan Readings…a key to your purpose

Times are changing…. We know this.

Art: Alex Gray


Have you felt that this time has given you time to reflect on the way you are navigating through life?

Are you feeling stuck?

Wanting some direction?

Do you sense there is something more for you in this life?

Do you wonder what your gifts are?

Do you constantly face the same obstacles?

At this time, many of us are experiencing some or all of the above. We are seeing to understand ourselves at a deeper level bringing ourselves clarity and direction

WHY NOT HAVE A SOUL PLAN READING?


Soul Plan Readings a way to look at our life purpose. To see our GIFTS and our CHALLENGES.
 
This method works on the conscious and unconscious level and promises to bring the recipient greater freedom, connection, satisfaction, healing and life purpose activation.  This system uses the sound vibration and intention behind naming, to determine a person’s entire ‘Soul Plan.’ 

Simply by discovering your Soul Plan as revealed by a practitioner, you will naturally begin to align with it. The subtler message is, that in so doing, we may come to realise our true nature. More and more people are now coming to this realisation and Soul Plan can be a significant catalyst in deepening this process. When this fully occurs, there is a sense and experience of our Soul Plan unfolding naturally.


Soul Plan Readings are a powerful system of life purpose guidance and healing.
 
Now is an excellent time for many more people to have their Soul Plan activated.
 
What happens in a Soul Plan Reading with Sarah Bullock?

Your life is reviewed in terms of your talents, goals, potential, lessons and obstacles to overcome and you will also discover your overall life purpose.

Simply by receiving the reading you will benefit from a healing and clearing of many redundant blockages. A clarity is reached on areas we have felt stuck and dormant.

As an Intuitive Therapeutic Coach and Shamanic Practitioner, we look at how you are feeling in your life and where you are stuck and how to overcome challenges and best reach your goals.

A Soul Plan Reading is an interpretation of your potential experiences for this lifetime.
 
This will include a written document highlighting:are

  • the challenges you are or have been facing
  • the talents you hold
  • reviewing your deepest goals
  • looking at your Soul Purpose


You will gain clarity on:

  • a sense of purpose
  • an understanding the challenges faced so far
  • a deeper understanding of yourself
  • more clarity about life and your role in it

 
You will also receive practical guidance on how to:

  • overcome your challenges/obstacles
  • how to utilize your talents and work towards your goals


Flower remedies maybe advised and are included in the cost of the session.
 
SOLSTICE SPECIAL £75.00 for a 75 – 90 minute zoom session normally £120 including flower essence. 
 
If you are interested please do get in touch. Email: sarah@theembodiedawakening.com 
 
Warmest wishes and HAPPY SOLSTICE….this New moon, solar eclipse Summer Solstice is a ONCE in a lifetime…..make the most of the energies.

Please share this if you know anyone that might enjoy a review of their life.

Thank you to the ‘rock friends’ that left like a whisper leaving space.

Sometimes the rocks in the river have to move in order for the river to flow freely.

Friends can be like the ‘rocks’ in our lives. Ones that hold steady and true through the twists and turns of life. Times when our ‘river of life’ feels it is spiralling out of control and we are afraid we will get swept away by the current.

Yet, what if we are ‘meant to get swept away?’ The rocks hold us fast creating a dam in our river. The water starts to become a little putrid for water needs to flow in order to be healthy. Water moves in spirals it is not linear.

That is where many of us live in the ‘linear line of life’: Work, home, if we are lucky a beloved, kids, dog…..’doing life’. Is this what we are called to do? Truly? For some yes, others, No. What is our truth? Dare we follow our true path?

Or are we missing an invitation to the ‘journey of life’ like the journey of a river? Starting at the source spring perhaps a trickle, sometimes a waterfall springing free from the source active and eager to engage.

Some begin tentatively to follow and forge our way down ways across valleys, along pathways and byways. Trickling as we find more flow. More momentum, occasional whirl pools where we are unsure whether we will source it becomes so perilous, we put down and pick up pace and gather ourselves bounding over, around, sometimes slowing other times stopping to lay as a pool glistening, resting yet always moving.

We become playful pools, full of vitality and life giving home to tadpoles, lush plant life, we meet other streams, we can become a river where many meet, only again to find ourselves, our own tributary off on our own adventure again.

Always, we have the banks of the river. Our bodies. These too can take different forms. Sometimes slim, fast paced other times wide and curvy as they begin to meander in the middle phase of life, enjoying the grassy banks, more leisurely pace and interaction with other tributaries.

Rocks can help with the banks. They can also act as a barrier to movement, to flow, to vitality and life force. The truth of our path.

We can work and swirl around the rocks, crashing and thrashing stuck in our own torment through trauma bonding rather than flowing.

We can become complacent and dependent on them. Never fully listening to our own calling of where to dart next, which landscape is our truth. Staying. Confirming. Comparing and slowly seeing our once clear waters become foggy with lack of oxygen.

Then one day the rocks simply go…they roll away….and the river again begins to flow following new directions. Gathering slowly a new momentum for life. Finding a renewed sense of freedom. A new sense of purpose. Liberated from the old ways open to exploring the new.

New tributaries

New rivers

New grasslands

New ponds

New fish

A fresh journey set with the wisdom of the water and banks, the lessons of life where upon we reach the final stage of our river. We open into the wide mouth of our final destination; connection with the greater source and become one.

This my friend a journey of the river. Of life. Thank you for the ones that have been, that are and that will be and especially thank you for those that left like whispers on the wind, no note, no words just space. It gave me space and an invitation to once again find my flow