…so how are you REALLY?
There is so much ‘stuff’ going on and around right now.
‘Should be this’ ‘should be that’ Dress in this..do this work out…that work out….‘vaccinate this’ ‘fight that’. Who and what do we believe and trust? So much deceit.
So many ‘positive affirmations….which actually make us feel worse than before….I’m conscious about not putting these out there so much as they often make me want to swear loudly at the screen and the individual as I’m not getting it all ‘right’.
There is also much NOT being said. As many of you know I like stuff to be real.
So I ask…
What’s REALLY alive for you right now?
For me, Today has been a varied day. A day of laughter yoga which was a blessing. Sobbing into my tea feeling deeply alone whilst watching Pride and Prejudice and wondering if I’ll ever actually meet anyone who will love me and me them. Oohhhh Mr Darcy how I covert thee.
A Family Constellation session that was tricky and healing.
I’ve given away a traumatised cat and am again alone. As I knew I wasn’t the new mama for her bless her. She needed somewhere more peaceful.
I’ve begun stripping my living room to paint the walls. Covering and removing the remanence of my past beloved.
I’ve mourned the loss of an unrequited love that I’m struggling to shift.
I’ve danced, a Dance which was joyous and very playful and a blissful, funny and inspiring start to the day.
I’ve worked out like mad to sweat and cry.
I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve felt so very lonely and alone. I’ve felt joy and such numbness I could have stuck pins in myself and not felt it. I’ve felt loathing and peace. I had a cider to numb some of the pain and resisted bingeing on carbs.
I’ve had sweet messages and jokes from beloved friends.
Such a mixed bag.
Something to perhaps remember…..
Above all we are human in a time of such ‘unknown’ it’s ok to play out. To honour all parts of us to have a voice. To throw tantrums to have Gin at 4pm if that helps in moderation, to laugh, to cry, to make love and to sit in your bed hugging yourself cause you feel so deeply alone. These are human things to do.
These are not necessarily times to be living our ‘best life’ or actually writing the next best seller they are for me times of getting in touch with me. With what matters. Who matters.
Please remember. There is no ‘right’ there is no ‘wrong’ we are all learning to navigate through this one step at a time al learning to be even more human humbled and strengthened in each breath and step.
Remember always though regardless of what is actually going on. Someone somewhere loves you, values you and cares.
Please know this will pass. There will be love, connection and holding once more.
These are my prayers. I have faith in this amongst the messiness of being human….. just a reminder to be true to what’s alive whilst not getting lost in it allowing it to flow.
With love….I hear you! Xx