Betrayal…the medicine

I don’t know about you but I’ve been having a lot of very strange and in-depth dreams recently last night they were about betrayal.

I realise that I’ve held a story for a very long time, lifetimes even! It is also in my family system and held in the collective.

The story is one around betrayal of the masculine and yet when I sit with that I feel that it goes further back than that and it relates also to the feminine how the feminine have betrayed the masculine. How the feminine betrayed the feminine, the masculine the masculine…It goes ALL ways, yet we can get very stuck in the loop of one.

Meditating, I asked for some guidance around this and this is what I was given:

‘Know the healing is happening because you have an awareness. There is nothing and no thing for you to do simply allow the old that is coming through for release to come through. it is liberating you from the past there is nothing you can do about the past. You can only make choices now and moving forward about how you wish to be in the world.

Those that have come and gone let them release them, cease holding onto them as they are an illusion; a memory. If they are meant to be in your life they will return it is your choice to be open or not.

Know that the love you seek also seeks you. Trust this is so believe this is so. Yet, you also have to WANT YOURSELF. You, yourself, know how time is a factor that is in the hands of only the divine when the alignment is right magic happens.

Trust the universe has your back. We are rooting for you, for this growth. Self acceptance, love and kindness is vital for this next phase of life. You may or may not know this but you will never not meet a soulmate.

Art: Jessica Meeks

The dreams and reflections are helping you identify what was not what is. You are releasing and realigning to enable the new codes to download and become truth in your life. The blueprint of you is coming alive fully. This is so the beauty of now can come through and be present in the world, there is no rush.

Everyone is being still, waiting, percolating biding time for the growth process on the planet cannot come whilst everyone is doing ‘normal everyday busy routines including avoidance!’

Take these weeks and months to fully understand you. To dive deep, to move with and through, to discover the green and gold of your heart. The truth of your heart, to create. Begin to fully belong to yourself. No one else, nowhere else, just here NOW.

The belonging you seek is a longing to be accepted.

How can you be accepted anywhere else when you do you not believe in yourself? When you live only from the past memories, reflections and stories you have told yourself?

Are these working?

We think not!

You are shifting and with this the belonging becomes a being!

No more longing as there is an acceptance of who you are. This takes away the external longing and you arrive to a place of being.

A place of knowing.

A place of self trust.

Believing and knowing this is Grace.

It is connection.

It is the alignment of head, heart, hearth and spirit.

This is the medicine right now share this and share yourself as it feels right for you’.

Warmly Sarah

January 8th 2021

There is no 12 Step Process for BE-ing Human

Learning our own doctrine is the biggest gift we can ever grant ourselves.

There is no 12 Step Program for LIFE… I may sound contradictory but stay with me….

I’ve been contemplating life…and death. As is my constant question and work both …with myself and my clients I’ve been thinking about what it means to ‘be human’. 

What I see in many people and myself is a need for a ‘recipe’ a 12 step program in how to ‘do life’. If perhaps we had the answer written on a postcard we might have a plan and formulae to follow and then we can ‘get it right’:

Earn the money

Get the beloved

Be successful

… all the desires you here.

However, whilst we have cultural and family values and systems to learn by (and also misdirect is in some ways) the biggest and most fundamental trick and tip to ‘being human’ is exactly that. 

Be Human.

Learn to ‘Do You….Be YOU….’ unapologetically and authentically YOU….

No one can show us an exact formulae to how to do this and BE ourselves as we have to learn our own formula. To understand the nuances of who we are. What makes us tick. What turns us on, in and off.. 

Yes, it is vital to learn how to do some things and gain information as we are not all great at everything. 

For example, I’ve been looking at business models and how to move my work forward, on and up. 

Within the market there are SO many offering a ‘one size fits all model’. A follow this and Learn this and you will get to 6 figures, grow your business etc etc yet does it really consider YOU?

Yes. There are strategies that we can follow. Yet, so many do not succeed as it isn’t tailored to you. They rely on great marketing and ‘A ‘generalised’ view of ‘limiting beliefs’  avoiding your own authentic blueprint. 

 Many are using a model which actually scares me…In the past I’ve participated in ‘growth’ trainings that promote the ‘put your attention here and the money will come…put it on credit and money will come’ (subsequently leaving me very in debt and spirit broken). I see this for many people  lured by the incredible marketing and ‘shiny charismatic people’ ….if I did that program I’d get that too mentality kicks in. 

There is nothing wrong with these desires yet… many decisions are made from a place of grounded deep self knowing? 

I see online dating experts selling huge amounts right now ‘do this, say this, text this and you’ll get them Interested, to fall in love, come back”, blah blah blah. It’s fascinating. Whilst some is helpful again each one is showing a ‘formulae’ into how to ‘do dating’ to get the ‘one’ and millions of us watch, buy, subscribe because we are all desperate to know ‘how to do it ‘right’. 

It’s all a big game. Why do we play games with each other? 

It keeps us safe. We hide behind a model that is not our truth and get to avoid being vulnerable, real and raw. 

Yet…..again it’s avoiding what’s the truth…. YOU getting to know you. Being you, Fully?

What am I trying to say?

No one size fits all. Fact. 

Believe me. I’m one who always does another course, workshop, seminar to learn how to ‘do me better’….always something to ‘fix’ because I believe there is something ‘wrong with me’. 

What if there is nothing else to learn from someone else?

What if there was nothing else to ‘Do’?

What if I just was? If I was accepting all that is me? Took full responsibility? This means stop looking out and look in….

To stop blaming another failed course, teacher/Guru and actually learned to be me…

There is no singular learning

No one person or teacher

No one course, workshop or seminar that can gift us all we need to know about being the fullness of ourselves. 

We collect and collate as we journey from many. For this is a ‘journey’. It’s a process of growing and learning along the way.  

We learn in ourselves from all the input, events, successes, seeming failures….(these are growth opportunities) and every interaction. 

Find those that inspire and share wholeheartedly and move on. Learn different things. Try on different hats and suits and shoes as you walk and dance this journey.

There is no one doctrine….except that of yourself. This in itself shifts and changes as we shift and change. As we navigate we learn more fully what it means for US to be human. To be who we are here to be. 

What if we could know there was nothing to ‘fix but everything to BE?

To write and become our own doctrine to our own life?

What then???

As with it all….take from this what you will….. leave the rest 

My doctrine is not yours and yours is not mine we are all individuals learning from each other, ourselves and at all times leaning into love…

Thank you to the ‘rock friends’ that left like a whisper leaving space.

Sometimes the rocks in the river have to move in order for the river to flow freely.

Friends can be like the ‘rocks’ in our lives. Ones that hold steady and true through the twists and turns of life. Times when our ‘river of life’ feels it is spiralling out of control and we are afraid we will get swept away by the current.

Yet, what if we are ‘meant to get swept away?’ The rocks hold us fast creating a dam in our river. The water starts to become a little putrid for water needs to flow in order to be healthy. Water moves in spirals it is not linear.

That is where many of us live in the ‘linear line of life’: Work, home, if we are lucky a beloved, kids, dog…..’doing life’. Is this what we are called to do? Truly? For some yes, others, No. What is our truth? Dare we follow our true path?

Or are we missing an invitation to the ‘journey of life’ like the journey of a river? Starting at the source spring perhaps a trickle, sometimes a waterfall springing free from the source active and eager to engage.

Some begin tentatively to follow and forge our way down ways across valleys, along pathways and byways. Trickling as we find more flow. More momentum, occasional whirl pools where we are unsure whether we will source it becomes so perilous, we put down and pick up pace and gather ourselves bounding over, around, sometimes slowing other times stopping to lay as a pool glistening, resting yet always moving.

We become playful pools, full of vitality and life giving home to tadpoles, lush plant life, we meet other streams, we can become a river where many meet, only again to find ourselves, our own tributary off on our own adventure again.

Always, we have the banks of the river. Our bodies. These too can take different forms. Sometimes slim, fast paced other times wide and curvy as they begin to meander in the middle phase of life, enjoying the grassy banks, more leisurely pace and interaction with other tributaries.

Rocks can help with the banks. They can also act as a barrier to movement, to flow, to vitality and life force. The truth of our path.

We can work and swirl around the rocks, crashing and thrashing stuck in our own torment through trauma bonding rather than flowing.

We can become complacent and dependent on them. Never fully listening to our own calling of where to dart next, which landscape is our truth. Staying. Confirming. Comparing and slowly seeing our once clear waters become foggy with lack of oxygen.

Then one day the rocks simply go…they roll away….and the river again begins to flow following new directions. Gathering slowly a new momentum for life. Finding a renewed sense of freedom. A new sense of purpose. Liberated from the old ways open to exploring the new.

New tributaries

New rivers

New grasslands

New ponds

New fish

A fresh journey set with the wisdom of the water and banks, the lessons of life where upon we reach the final stage of our river. We open into the wide mouth of our final destination; connection with the greater source and become one.

This my friend a journey of the river. Of life. Thank you for the ones that have been, that are and that will be and especially thank you for those that left like whispers on the wind, no note, no words just space. It gave me space and an invitation to once again find my flow

A message for these times…2 May 2020

Heart open

Heart Opening : 2 May 2020

Heart opening to new levels. 

Let the stellar aspect of yourself weave the threads of mystery and ‘lore’.  Undo all that which no longer serves and give yourself permission to BECOME.

You are a light in this dark world, for you know your own darkness.  It has illuminated the shadows of your life, your past, it now illuminates the flame of your truth.  Let it guide you always and ‘all ways’ into the deeper connection to the divine.

Whole and Holy the crucible, this vessel of you.  Whole and Holy, this sacred chalice.

Honour it and honour yourself.  Believe and BE-LIVE.  These moments may appear to hold the madness of the world and indeed they do, yet, at the same moment there is a redress occurring at the fundamental level of the mystery.  Scientists will assume and place ‘facts’ upon these times, philosophers will pontificate on the teachings of Plato, yet, you, yourself have been a conduit for this change.

Getty Images

Everyone who has wished for a ‘different world’, who wished for the patriarchy to topple, for a rebalance to occur.  Well, your wishes have been answered, be careful what you wish for dear heart, for it will never come in the form you desire.

The mystery still has the ‘upper hand’, if there are hands to be played.

Whilst man attempts to control, control can never be controlled.  Remember this as you begin to RE-MEMBER yourselves.

A collective Shamanic dismemberment is occurring.  Yet, as much as it is disturbing as any dismemberment is you, your life, your beliefs and patterns are challenged and will be changed.

You never emerge the same way. Yet, emerge you will.

Yes, there is loss and we do not apologise for this, for in order for us to awaken from our slumber and putrid excesses we have to know loss.  This, IF we allow; awakens our heart, opens our eyes and begins to enable us to believe in something a new.  Believe and BE – LIVE.  The altercations that occur are timely.

Release the sticky fist from the shelf of sugar laden, colourfully papered misconceptions of happiness. The illusions of grandeur and awaken to the realness of you, your life, your breath, your body, your place.

You, your sacred place, this sacred BEing that you are, become this…only this.

Allow the deaths to touch you, the honesty, courage of others and yourself to open that closed heart.  See not from silted blinkered eyes but from eyes open to the wonder and beauty all around.

Breath Of Life: Sheri Howe

Let it in, drop by drop, drip by drip, let it touch you, let it melt you and heal you.

The time of the closed heart is no more.  Let yourself open to that which hurts and heals.

This muscle. It hurts to lose, it hurts to love.  Same muscle.  Let them both in side by side, the sacred union, drip by drip, drop by drop.

This balance, this dance, this medicine that brings us back to our humanity, away from the bags, boxes, bottles into breath, body heart.

Your heart and breath meeting yourself, perhaps for the first time. An initiation to self.  Meeting another truly, deeply, without the veil of illusion. 

A chink in the matrix being illuminated for all to see. 

To feel if they wish. 

It is there.

It is here. 

How many more times will this happen?

Hah!  Only the mystery knows. Yet remember this my beloved: YOU, dreamed and wished for a different world, as it is emerging.  You are emerging.  The world will keep rejuvenating, pulsing and living long after you and I are gone.  Remember this.  She knows not what you are, yet, she knows what you have become.  She is taking back her right as the giver of all life, NOT you, ‘man’. It is she the ‘Great Mother’, this earth, the balance of sun and earth, the masculine nature and feminine nurture the sacred union, Hieros Gamos, coming finally back into balance.  Showing us what is possible.

IT IS POSSIBLE: you are never alone, we are always held, you are held by something far greater than ‘us’ in our fragility as a human.

Become they of the stars and the earth, become the Being you are here to be in all your glorious messy, beauty-filled humanness and begin.

Begin again.

Begin again my love.

Begin again.

Tender Heart

I refound this piece that I wrote last year whilst still grieving a relationship that had ended.  I find myself all this time later open hearted and ready to love again.  Ready.  I do believe in allowing time, a grieving process, space before we embark on another adventure into love, whatever that may bring……I am ready….time to start writing again…to begin…

Here is my heart….


Time gone, never reclaimed the memory of you fades. The hole in my heart, my life and my home lingers.

You linger like the smell of forests after the rain, the smell of sun on skin, of puppy breath. Fresh bread baked in the morning left out to air. The smells of home. Of love. Of tender Care

I still see your face etched in the pillow where we would lie and talk. There you slept deeply almost not breathing. Just presence. Just you. Perfect you.

Your presence in life touched many and me. So blessed for the times shared. The hours.

Hours, weeks, months and years. So many moments honoured with tears.

I wonder if you ever think of me at all. Your anger and blocking cuts to the vein. Hours scolding like a tattoo artists branding my heart with the initials of your name. Your dog. Your favourite remedy.

The kindness we shared marred now with such distance. A longing a pulling from my heart. Blocked. Cut. Nothing. No more.

Heart break the same

Asking for forgiveness for a moment in time that maybe just once in a while you might look back and smile.

Asking for moments.  For hours to pass, for healing to this tired lonely heart but never a regret of hours spent with you.  Deeply I honour and send love on its way to hold and to heal the precious parts of you whole.

I love you
I thank you
I bow to you and your life

Go well dear one
Go well.